


Julie's Story

by Anifan1



Category: Animorphs (TV), Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Nothlits, Peaceful Yeerks, Post War, Voluntary Controllers, Yeerk Empire, Yeerks, human-yeerk relations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-03-20 12:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18992377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anifan1/pseuds/Anifan1
Summary: After the war, former host Julie tries to maintain a normal life, when her Yeerk finds her.





	1. Chapter 1

She must have been waiting for me as I closed up the family bakery. We opened only for four hours on Saturdays before closing on Sunday and Monday. To take a two and a half day weekend was rare, at least with the neighboring ones in my city. But, we could afford it.

I'd been working in my family's bakery since I was fourteen, officially, so I knew the regular customers. Especially, the ones who waited until the last minute before we closed. The ones who claimed to need to make a major purchase before we closed for the long weekend-this was always accompanied with a reproachful look on their end-only to leave ten minutes later with something as small as a blueberry muffin.

I was used to them. I never let them get under my skin because, as Dad often said, even if they weren't the source of our profits, they could tell others if they were unhappy. He said that while you couldn't please everyone, staying open for a few extra minutes for an irate customer never hurt anyone in the long run.

He would know. He'd been running the business for over twenty years, and working with his parents before then.

So, when the short, brown haired customer who looked to be about twenty entered through the door at 2:01 on the dot, I formed my face into a polite, apologetic smile as I formed the words I had used so many times.

"Hi there! We're about to close for the day, but is there anything I can get you before we do?"

Her face studied me as she formed a gentle smile. "Tamli."

My heart began to race, and my response were not nearly as rehearsed. "Kariss?"

She put her hand on the counter, reaching for mine. Instinctively, I took it.

"I promised I'd find you," she said, squeezing my hand.

I swallowed hard. "You did," I agreed.

What I didn't say was that it had taken over six months. Not that this was her fault. Only a few weeks ago, the Yeerks had been allowed, officially, to become nothlits. There were rumors that Peace Movement Yeerks were exempt from this, that they could remain with their hosts, as long as their hosts wanted them there.

Kariss hadn't been a part of the Peace Movement, though. In spite of that, she'd treated me as well as any Yeerk from the Peace Movement could have. Especially as I was nearly broken from what my first Yeerk had done to me during the year and a half I had been under her power.

I closed my eyes, willing myself not to think of that.

Kariss was watching me, still holding my hand. Of course, I realized, she could no longer read my thoughts. Our mental link was broken. We had to communicate with speech, now.

I forced myself to say something. "Okay. Wow." I managed a smile. "How are you?"

She laughed a little. "Still adjusting to my new body. It's been three weeks, and even though it feels very much the same as when I lived in yours, the lack of the other mind is-well, unsettling. I miss you, Julie."

"I miss you, too, Kariss."

Every day, I missed her.

She glanced at the door. "Should we-?"

"Right." I headed out from around the counter, keychain around my neck, under my shirt. I switched the sign from "Open" to "Closed" and locked the door. "We go out the other way-but you already know that," I told her, laughing a little.

"Yes, I remember," Kariss told me, also laughing.

She followed me as I walked down the hallway, shutting off the lights and locking the necessary doors. Checked to make sure all of the ovens and other equipment had been turned off before we began our weekend. Mom was cleaning one of the tables, a task usually performed by Matt, but he'd called in sick last night. She had her headphones on, though, and didn't hear us as we entered. I glanced at Kariss, and she nodded at me, smiling.

"Mom?" I said, standing in front of her.

My mother started slightly, then laughed and turned off her portable CD player.

"Julie, you almost gave me a heart attack!" she said, giving me a hug. "It's closing time already?"

I nodded. "I locked the front doors and checked all of the equipment."

"Good, good," my mom nodded, her braid swinging against her shoulder. She glanced at Kariss. "Ah, hello! Are you a friend from the college?"

I'd started taking classes at the community college last month. My grades had never been very high, and I'd always seen school as a necessary-or, to be honest, an unnecessary-evil. But I needed some basic classes, like accounting, if I was going to succeed in someday managing the business. Or co-managing with my brother and sisters. So, community college was the compromise.

It wasn't as bad as high school had been, at least. Even though I didn't have a Yeerk in my head to talk to when classes got overly boring.

Which had been most of the time.

"Not exactly," I admitted, turning to Kariss, briefly. "This is Kariss seven-two-four, of the Sulp Niar Pool."

Mom nodded, her face showing some concern. "Oh. Well, hello, Kariss."

I had told my family about my time as a Controller, after Kariss had been forced to leave my head. After the Yeerks surrendered to the "Andalite Bandits"-now referred to as the Animorphs. I didn't say much about my first Yeerk, because I didn't want my parents or sisters to know how much she had hurt me. But I had made it clear that Kariss had been a close friend to me, and I wanted to remain her friend after she became a nothlit.

I'd hoped that she'd be allowed to become a human nothlit. I knew that she wouldn't be allowed to keep her Yeerk body. Only the Yeerks from the Peace Movement could remain Yeerks. Only after verification from their hosts. But not all Yeerks were allowed to become humans. Those who had committed certain crimes-they could only hope for certain animals.

Granted, some Yeerks wanted to be animal nothlits, anyway. Even with the shorter lifespan. Less interaction with the people who they worked to enslave, for one thing. Not having to work, or to struggle to find work, for a living. Then, there was the chance of having wings.

Rumor had it that a lot of Yeerks had become various species of birds.

Kariss, though, had wanted to become human. We'd talked about it, during the two days between finding out that the Yeerks had surrendered and her needing to report, to feed. In the meantime, according to the news, the Yeerk Pool would be kept open because it would be physically impossible to evaluate all Yeerks and give them the morphing power within a three day time period. Less, if they hadn't fed on that exact day.

She wanted to find an apartment and live with me. I was nineteen, old enough to live on my own, even if my parents didn't agree to it. I was, technically, an adult. If they disowned me, I could leave the bakery and find another job. I certainly had enough experience.

But we both hoped that it wouldn't come to that.

Now, six months after we had last spoken, I wondered what the plan was, now.

"It's so nice to meet you, officially," Kariss was saying, smiling kindly at my mother. "I know how strange this must be for you."

Mom sighed. "Why don't we sit down, Kariss? Julie?" she added, and I couldn't help but feel like my name was an afterthought. "I'll get your father."

We took a seat on the stools, and I felt Kariss touch my arm, briefly.

"It's going to be all right," she told me, after my mom left.

I nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

In the brief period silence that fell after my mother left the room, I took some time to examine my Yeerk. Except, of course, she wasn't a Yeerk anymore. Would she be called a human nothlit? Or a Yeerk nothlit? What did they consider themselves, anyway?

Kariss was short, five feet tall, at most. But her frame was petite. Probably not even a hundred pounds. Her hair was light brown and fell well past her shoulders, but not quite as long as my waist length hair. My first Yeerk, as just one of her ways of tormenting me, had chopped most of it off six weeks into my infestation. Fortunately, it had grown back fairly quickly, reaching its regular length by the time Kariss had been in my head for two out of the three and a half years. Kariss' eyes were bright blue, and her skin tone was very pale. I wondered how old her DNA morph was. Certainly no older than twenty-five. Not as young as me, certainly. There was a sense of maturity, of adulthood, that she possessed, even in the few minutes I had spent with her.

Kariss could tell that I was staring at her, and smiled at me, her mouth displaying two dimples.

"Did I look how you expected?" she asked. Her tone was half teasing, but I could tell that she was serious-well, serious in wanting to know my answer.

I was sure my face was red as I shrugged. "Your DNA mix works with you. You're pretty, and, to be honest, I'm glad you didn't go for blond hair, to be honest. Brown suits you." I paused before adding, "I guess I had expected you to be a little taller, though. You're shorter than I am, Kariss!"

She laughed. "If there was a blonde in my morph mix, it didn't come display in my morph. Oh well. As for height...personally, I think that they purposefully selected people below average height to create DNA mixes."

I raised my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

It was Kariss' turn to shrug. "Most of my friends and Yeerks I knew not only ended up female, but around my height. I heard that most of my fellow Yeerks who insisted on receiving a male morph either ended up overweight and significantly under six feet, or simply well under six feet and a healthy weight." At my raised eyebrows, she continued, "Well, it makes sense, Julie. If you're going to give parasitic slugs the morphing capability, you're not going to want them to be too strong or intimidating." She paused. "Speculation, of course."

"Genetic modification?" I wondered. "Is that even a thing, if you're referring to a race of nothlits?"

Kariss took my hand again. "Even if it is, I'm really just glad that I was allowed to have a human body. And to be able to see you, of course."

As opposed to an animal body. Sure, if Kariss had become a cat or a dog or something like that, I could have adopted her, and she could have communicated with me via thought speech. Still. This was a lot better.

I nodded.

"Your parents-how are they? With all of this?" Kariss pressed me.

"Well, I-I didn't tell them too much about Illan," I admitted. "Enough that she was my first Yeerk and she was a jerk."

Kariss' face turned cold. "To put it mildly. I'd like to injure her-not kill her, she's not worth it-with my old dracon beam. If I still had it."

I squeezed her hand with my other one. "And that I got you after a year and a half, and you were a lot better. That we became friends, and most of the time, during the war, it was me talking to them. After-after you helped me become myself again." I swallowed hard. "I told them that you had to leave me at the end of the war, but I thought that you'd be able to become a human nothlit, and we wanted to stay in contact."

Kariss nodded. "And live together?"

I looked down at the counter. "I still want that, Kariss. I-I just didn't know what would be allowed, or if you still wanted to, or if you'd need a place to stay-I could already tell that what I told them was a lot to take in."

"Yes, I can see that it would be," she murmured, stroking my arm comfortingly. "You know I care about your family, having lived with them, through you, for over three years. But they don't know me nearly as well as I know them."

"Yeah," I agreed, looking up again. "And after hearing that I got a cruel one the first time around, I bet they wonder if, well..."

I trailed off.

Kariss smiled, knowingly. "If I'm simply kind by comparison."

"Right," I said, again.

There was more that I wanted to say. That it wasn't Kariss' fault, mostly. But even though she wasn't in my head, I hoped that she knew me enough to understand.

She squeezed my hand, again.

Mom and Dad came in, then, and we looked up. Kariss let go of my hand, and we both sort of sat there, waiting for one of them to speak.

Dad spoke first, which was hardly a surprise. My family was always kind of traditional like that.

"Hello, girls," he said, smiling at us, his tone gentle.

A good sign.

"Hi," we both said at the same time.

"I was thinking that we should discuss this in house," he told us. "No point sitting around here. Oh, before we do...Julie, honey, is there any cake left from this morning?"

I would have rolled my eyes in a more normal setting. We always had leftovers.

"Blueberry, vanilla, chocolate, raspberry, lemon, and some caramel," I told him. "Plus, about half a pound of petit fours."

"Let's gather them up and put them in the fridge. No point in letting good food go to waste." He turned to Kariss with a grin. "Your pick. I always say family meetings go better with snacks."

Kariss smiled up at my dad. "Raspberry sounds delicious."

"Raspberry it is, then," he agreed. "Julie, I'll help you package up the others."

With that, we headed back to the bakery. Normally, unsold cakes went for half price the next day-and sold out before noon-but few people wanted to buy something on Tuesday that had been made on Saturday morning. On an average Saturday, we ate some of the leftovers and gave the rest to our church for whatever purpose they chose when we attended the Vigil Mass. Probably, a lot of it went to the homeless who came for meals on Sunday night. But we had a lot of other groups that met throughout the week, and really, as long as you froze the cake before it got too hard, it would stay good indefinitely.

Kariss' choice was a good one. Having lived in my head for three and a half years, she'd tasted all of the flavors I'd listed-and then some. If I had to pick one flavor, it would be vanilla, as long as there was plenty of icing on it. Of course, it would have been a difficult choice to make. All of our flavors were delicious, and it was a small wonder that no one in my family was even remotely overweight. Good genes, I guessed.

Once the cake was moved from the bakery to the refrigerator-except for the large block of raspberry with lots of iced flowers-we sat down in the living room. There were plates and forks in front of us, but at the moment, no one was eating anything.

My parents were sitting on one side of the small table, upright on a small couch, and Kariss and I were on the other, on matching chairs. My heart was beating faster than normal, and I wondered how Kariss managed to look so calm.

I knew my parents didn't hate her. What little I had told them about Illan, immediately after I returned home from the Yeerk Pool without Kariss, made my mom burst into tears and hug me until I thought my ribs would crack. Not that I had minded. My dad had hugged me too, but the look on his face made me glad we didn't keep a gun in the house.

Talking about Kariss had been a lot easier. I'd explained that she'd helped me to recover, how kind and patient she'd been with me. How I'd started to lose control over my body, especially my hands and my feet, but she'd helped me regain my full abilities within the first six months.

I didn't talk about the nightmares. Those were still ongoing.

But I'd given them enough details so they knew that even if the Yeerk Empire was probably the worst form of government ever to be imagined by a sentient race, Kariss had never been anything but good to me. How she'd quickly become someone I could trust, and later, a friend.

At the time, they seemed to understand what I meant. They didn't hurl insults at her behind her back, or make me think that she wouldn't be safe alone with them. Granted, my parents had never been Controllers, so they could never understand the experience of having a Yeerk in your head. At the same time, they trusted me enough not to see Kariss as some evil parasitic slug.

It probably was easier since she wasn't actually there. For all we knew, it could take years for the decent Yeerks to be separated from the awful ones. To give everyone the morphing power. While the six months had felt like years, to me, it probably had happened faster than most people would have expected. I mean, we're talking about hundreds of thousands of Yeerks, and just a few morphing cubes. Plus, thousands of people to interview, not to mention Hork-Bajir. Gedds were excluded because they were barely sentient, and Taxxons had been universally voluntary. Also, I imagined that no one wanted to get anywhere near a Taxxon in their regular form. The hunger, from what I'd heard, was too powerful.

So, here we were. Six months later, Kariss was back. I was a little anxious, but also excited, about living with my former Yeerk. I knew that, for my parents, it would be all nerves.

Dad was the first to break the silence.

"Julie says you were in her head during most of the war."

"Yes, sir. I lived in her head for three and a half years."

Dad waved his hand. "Call me John, please." He turned to my mom. "Honey? What should Kariss call you?"

My mom gave Kariss a slightly wary smile. "Sally would be fine."

Dad nodded, squeezing Mom's hand. "Fine. Go ahead, Kariss."

"Yes. Well, as you know, Julie had one Yeerk before me, for about a year and a half. Then, her Yeerk was promoted to a sub-visser, and given another human to-to infest, and I was assigned to her."

"She says you treated her better than her first Yeerk," Mom voiced, still holding Dad's hand. "That you gave her-control?"

I realized the question was twofold. The first was a clarification that Kariss did not keep me as a slave in my own mind. The second was checking that she had the right terminology.

"Yes," Kariss replied, simply. "Julie was-" There was a slight pause here. "-Not well when I first entered her mind."

"I was broken," I spoke up, the anger at what Illan had done to me returning. The images of how she'd made me relive my worst memories for hours at a time, sometimes even from the moment I woke up until the moment I fell asleep, all too vivid in my head. How many times had I begged her to stop, promised that I would do anything? Only to hear her high pitched, sickly sweet laughter, her mockery of my voice and my pain?

I realized I was grabbing onto both arms of my chair, clenching at them, until my hands hurt. I let them go, and Kariss took one in hers, and began to massage it.

"Shh, it's okay," she murmured, turning around in her chair to face me. "It's okay, Tamli. You're safe, now."

I forced myself to take deep breaths, just like Kariss had taught me to do when I had a panic attack under my own control. Usually late at night, after a nightmare involving Illan.

She moved her chair close to me with her feet, still massaging my hand. She let one hand go to wrap her arms around my. I leaned in, despite the discomfort.

Mom must have noticed this, and stood up. "Honey, let's switch seats with them. Julie needs to be near her-her friend."

Dad had a pained look on his face, but he nodded and followed suit. We stood up and switched places, Kariss holding me close to her, an arm wrapped around my shoulder.

I suddenly felt too drained to speak, even to voice my thanks. It hadn't helped that I'd worked for over six hours at the bakery this morning. On a regular day, I would be taking a nap before getting ready for Mass with my parents.

I noticed that my parents were looking at Kariss with more respect, and even empathy, than they had before. My emotional outburst must have demonstrated that Kariss cared about me, and I certainly trusted her. I'd never been particularly "huggy" outside of my immediate family, after all.

They spoke mostly to her over the next several minutes, and I let myself zone out, the way I used to when Kariss was in a full members only Sharing meeting. I only paid attention again when I heard Kariss say the words "live together again".


	3. Chapter 3

At the words "live together again", my mind went back into focus. I glanced at my parents, whose faces betrayed their unease with this idea. My mom, who had been wearing a calm expression up to this point, suddenly narrowed her eyebrows. My dad started, ever slightly in his seat, and reached for my mom's hand again. She squeezed it with both of hers.

I tried to think of something to say, but before I could, my mom had spoken.

"L-live together?" my mother echoed, studying us. "Isn't that-?" She paused before adding, very gently, "It's only, didn't you just came back into contact today, Kariss? Julie?"

I nodded, but didn't say anything. I guessed I hoped that Kariss would speak for me--for us.

My dad, to my surprise, spoke in our defense. "Yes, but you need to remember, honey, that Julie and Kariss lived together in the same...mental space? Is that the right term, Kariss?" At her nod, he continued. "They lived that way for over three years. And it's clear that Kariss helped Julie recover from that other Yeerk during this time." Dad turned to me, his voice soft. "You must miss having her nearby like that, Julie, hon?"

I nodded again. "I-I do, Dad. I mean, her not being there...it's like a part of me is missing."

Kariss squeezed my hand. "I'm right here, Tamli."

Mom raised her eyebrows, frowning a little. "What does that word mean? Tam Lee?"

She pronounced it the right way, even though she separated the term into two words.

"Tamli," Kariss corrected, smiling a little. "It's one word, ma'am-excuse me, Sally. It's from Galard, the standard language of communication between aliens in this galaxy. It's-well, in this context, it's term used by Yeerks with a very close friendship with their host. The origin pertained to symbiotic relationships."

"Does 'tamli' have an English translation?" Dad asked, eyebrows raised in interest.

I knew why--so did Kariss. He'd studied linguistics in college, and was still fascinated by etymologies of words. I imagined that he could spend hours asking Kariss about the Galard language.

Not that he knew much about it. What few Andalites who crossed our paths either used thought speech or English via their human morphs. Hork-Bajir had moved to other areas of the planet--I wasn't sure where. Same with the Taxxons. As for Yeerks--they were either human nothlits or animal nothlits. Contrary to what scientists may have believed regarding our first contact with aliens, there was no language barrier. 

Kariss nodded, and I could tell that she was relieved by the direction of the conversation. "The literal translation is 'my heart'. In Galard, the word 'tam' means heart. Your race is not the only one to equate this organ with strong emotion. As for 'Li', that's a little more complicated. It technically means 'my', but only in the sense of mutual belonging, even a familial sense."

"The way you would say that John is my husband, or Julie is my daughter?" Mom asked, lips pursed slightly in concentration.

She turned towards me and smiled. "Exactly. The meaning of "li" attached to a word means you belong to each other as members of the same...group, or family, rather than as you owning her or she owning you." She paused. "Anyway, as this endearment may sound strange to people who don't speak Galard, when translated literally, we use colloquial meaning of 'precious one' or, more accurately, 'my precious one.'"

Mom and Dad both nodded. "Then you consider Julie to be family?" Mom asked.

It was Kariss' turn to nod. "Not biologically, of course, but in the sense of adoption. Interspecies adoption, I suppose. Yeerks with strong bonds with their hosts take on a role not unlike the combination of an older sibling combined with a parent. Not that I would consider myself equal or as a replacement to you."

Dad was nodding along as Kariss spoke, and he was smiling, as well. So was my mom.

"And, I imagine that you called Julie this during the war?" Mom asked. "While you lived in her head?"

"Yes, often," Kariss replied, easily, looking at me affectionately. I squeezed her hand.

Looking back on my time with my Yeerk inside my head, I realized that Kariss had mostly called me "Tamli" after I had woken up from a nightmare, or was awake and had a flashback. A panic attack. She'd soothe me with a good memory, or just talk to me gently, and it was usually interspersed with endearments. I'd asked her what the term meant, the first time I'd heard it, and she'd told me the meaning, without the etymology lesson.

I realized that I hadn't been paying attention, because my dad was looking at me like he expected me to say something.

"Julie?" he asked again.

I blinked. "Yes, Dad?"

"I suggested a trial run, as it were. For living with your Yeerk," he told me.

"Oh." I turned to Kariss, who nodded encouragingly. "Yes, that makes sense."

"I think that we should find out more about the logistics, first," Mom intervened. "Kariss, we need to know more about where you live, among other things."

Kariss nodded again, wrapping her arm around me, again. I settled in next to her, but kept my attention on the conversation.

"I live with one of my sisters, Tariss Five-Seven-Eight, and her former host from the war. Another female, about three years older than Julie," she said, giving my shoulder a slight squeeze. "Tariss lived with her host, Amanda, for the last two years of the war. Amanda was voluntary, and Tariss was her only Yeerk."

"Tariss?" Mom asked, laughing a little. "Do most Yeerks have similar names as their siblings?"

Kariss laughed. "Some, yes. There are only a thousand hundred variations of Yeerk names, which is part of the reason we have numbers attached to ours. My sister, for instance, is the seven hundred and seventy-eighth one who was named and is alive. Since her birth, there are likely several hundred others."

Dad nodded, not as interested in Yeerk names as my mom. I hid a smile.

"Then, there would be four of you. How much rent and utilities would you need from Julie?" Dad asked.

"Three hundred and twenty-five for rent. Another twenty-five for utilities," Kariss replied, without any hesitation. "That's what Amanda pays. Of course, I spoke to Tariss and we both would like Julie to have the first month free, so that if living together does not work out, she will not have spent her earnings from the bakery."

"How many bedrooms does this place have?" Mom wondered.

"Four, but two are larger than the others. Tariss and Amanda share one of the larger bedrooms, and I currently use the other one. Julie's welcome to either spare, or she can share with me, if she likes. Both rooms hold two full sized beds very comfortably," Kariss added. "And it would be no trouble to move one bed into a spare bedroom, if you would prefer privacy, Julie."

I shrugged. "I'm fine with sharing a room, Kariss. I shared my head with you for over three years, you know," I added, teasingly.

She laughed and squeezed my shoulder. "Fair enough, Tamli."

Mom's eyebrows narrowed again, clearly ill at ease. "But Kariss, how in the world did you manage to find a four bedroom apartment anywhere near here for less than fifteen hundred a month?"

"It is near here, isn't it?" Dad added, eyebrows raised in concern. "How far of a drive are we talking about?"

"It's a house, not an apartment," Kariss explained, "and it's a ten minute drive from your home, John. As for the price...it's only our hosts who pay three hundred and fifty dollars a month. Tariss and I pay twice that. Which," she added, speaking quickly, as though anticipating an objection, "is only fair. It's really more than fair, for our hosts. Former hosts, I should say. After all, they let us live in their heads for years."

Mom nodded a little, smiling back at Kariss. "Yes, I guess that's true. And it's not as though we charged you rent during the time you lived in our daughter's head," she told my Yeerk, smiling a little. "Perhaps we should have, John?"

Dad rolled his eyes. "Sure, Sally, and get the IRS involved with the sudden influx of cash? Besides, this arrangement sounds fair enough for everyone. If Julie wanted to move out, she wouldn't find anywhere that inexpensive even with a roommate in the worst part of this county. In fact, twenty years ago, three hundred and fifty would have been a good deal around here."

Kariss laughed. "I can promise you, John, that the house is in a decent area."

She told him the address, and both my parents looked relieved.

"Tell me, Kariss. What is it that you and your sister do, now?"

"We both work in software development," Kariss explained, and provided the name of the company. "We're in training now, but we both had experience while the empire was around...the human language of programming is rather less advanced than Yeerk, but we're working to improve that. The pay is very good. The owner is a former voluntary Controller, so getting a job as a Yeerk was not as difficult as you might expect."

"That sounds promising," Mom told her, encouragingly. "I don't see any reason to object to the trial living arrangement."

"And rent free, on Julie's end," Dad added, laughing a little.

"Of course," Kariss agreed. "Amanda had the same arrangement, anyway, so this is only fair."

I suspected that the last part was aimed at me. I could afford three hundred and fifty dollars a month, with my earnings from the bakery, so I would have felt a little guilty living with Kariss rent free for that long.

Mom took a bite of her cake, making me realize I still had a slice left on the plate in front me. I looked down on it, and took a bite, savoring the raspberry flavor, mixed the taste of icing. Still fresh from this morning. Kariss and my dad followed our example, and for a few minutes, we sat in silence, enjoying the treat.

"I'd still like to see the house, and meet your sister and Amanda," my dad interjected. "Make sure everything looks all right and is up to code."

Having made many of the necessary repairs to the bakery-and our home-over the years, I felt more touched than embarrassed by my dad's overprotectiveness.

Kariss, of course, knew this.

"I could stop by tomorrow afternoon," she offered, after swallowing a large bite of cake. "Perhaps, around 1:30?"

"You're welcome to spend the night," Mom suggested, glancing at me. "We have a spare guest room, and if you'd like, you could attend Mass with us. Or, even simply meet the rest of the family. Officially, of course."

I stole a glance at Kariss, who looked pleased by the invitation. "I'd like that. I can't receive Communion, but I'd be happy to go with you."

"Why can't you-oh," Dad nodded. "Well, yes. Although, I don't know what you heard, but you're certainly welcome, if you ever decide to become Catholic. Your body isn't a hindrance to that."

Kariss looked confused, so I spoke up. "It's kind of long--I'll explain later," I promised.

"Thank you, Julie," she told me, looking grateful.

Since there wasn't much to discuss after that, at least regarding my living arrangements, the conversation veered off into small talk as we finished out cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to YPM-33-KI for beta reading this chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Shortly after eating, my parents parted ways with Kariss and I. Mom would begin preparing our dinner, which she would finish after we returned from Mass. We usually ate around 7:30 in the evening, with most of us snacking before Mass to tide us over. Like most Catholics, I was glad to be living post Vatican Two, where we only had to fast for an hour before receiving Communion, instead of overnight, like our forefathers.

As for my dad, I knew that he was probably going to manage the accounts for that week with the bakery, as well as prepare the payroll information to the company who would send the checks the following Friday. He was always meticulous about record keeping, not to mention determining how well our family business was performing.

Even though I usually took a long nap after work, waking up around 4:00 to shower and get ready for Mass, it was already nearly 3:00, and an hour long nap did my body as little good as no napping. It wasn't that I wasn't feeling tired, but I knew I would be better off pushing through and going to bed earlier that night.

Kariss, of course, knew this without my saying anything.

"Julie, you must be tired," she told me, gently, as we headed upstairs. "Perhaps, I should have waited to stop by the bakery."

I shrugged, smiling at my Yeerk. Even if she had a human body, I still saw her as my Yeerk. "It's okay. Don't worry, Kariss, I'm not going to pass out from exhaustion. I'll probably just go to bed earlier, tonight."

It felt a little strange, speaking to her out loud, instead of in our shared mental space. Even though I knew that Kariss was the same person as the Yeerk who had lived in my head for three and a half years, it felt, well, strange, to be talking to her out loud. Plus, there was the fact that she looked a lot different than her original body. Moreover, I couldn't quite get used to the fact that I would have to communicate with her by speaking. It felt less private, and of course, it was. Whatever we said could be overheard by anyone, now. Granted, at any point during the war, I could have been infested by another Yeerk, who would have gone through my memories and heard every word ever exchanged by myself and Kariss. I had known this, at the time, but I had also lived in a state of denial that anything would change. Kariss would always be my Yeerk, because I wanted her in my head.

Even when the Animorphs were fighting the war against the Yeerks, I hadn't truly believed that they would do much except slow down the Yeerk empire. If the Andalites came in massive numbers, yes, maybe they would cause the destruction of the Yeerks. But as Illan had told me, they had already failed to stop the Yeerks from infesting a fairly large number of species. If any others had resisted infestation, they must have been killed off in the process. Or, perhaps, established some kind of peace treaty with the Yeerks. Don't infest us and we won't attempt to kill you off. Maybe. All we knew was that the only species openly fighting the Yeerks were the Andalites, so they were the only hope for involuntary hosts, like myself. Since the Animorphs hadn't begun to fight the Yeerks until after I had been living, happily, with Kariss for over six months, I had very little hope-during my enslavement with Illan-that the Andalites were even aware that the Yeerks had invaded my planet.

Of course, as soon as Kariss had taken Illan's place as the Yeerk in my head, my experience with infestation had changed-almost overnight-from a living nightmare to a fairly pleasant experience. Not only was she unbelievably kind to me, Kariss had given me regular control. With regular practice on my end, and her constant encouragement, it had only been a few weeks before I was able to get my hands and feet to respond to my commands without any help. Kariss also hadn't pry into my memories without asking for permission, something my former Yeerk did gleefully. At the time, I hadn't been able to believe my good fortune. It seemed as though everything that Illan had been to me, Kariss was the opposite. Even her voice was pleasant sounding, gentle and calming, especially after a flashback or a nightmare. To be honest, I imagine that even if she had kept control over my body at all times, I probably would have been happy with her in my head indefinitely.

I never became voluntary, officially. I hated the Yeerk empire, and I suspected that Kariss did, as well. Being reassigned to a voluntary status might mean better treatment from the guards and a nicer place to spend my time when Kariss fed, but it also would have meant cooperating with the empire. It would be like telling them that I knew they had been right to take me, and my fellow humans, against our will. I didn't blame the voluntary humans-I knew that they believed that they were making the best of a bad situation. Perhaps, they were cooperating in order to protect their family and friends. But, for me, after having been involuntary for a year and a half and an object of torture to my captor for that time, I knew that-as much as I liked Kariss-I couldn't just become voluntary in the eyes of the empire. I think that Kariss, like me, secretly hoped that the "Andalite Bandits" would be able to overthrow the empire, without killing all of the Yeerks.

They probably would have killed them, though, had they been Andalites.

Kariss was watching me now, and I realized I was just standing in the middle of the hallway, probably with a blank look on my face.

I could feel my face redden. "S-sorry, Kariss. I was thinking about-about before."

My tone must have betrayed some of my thoughts, or maybe Kariss just knew me well enough that she could guess that I had been thinking about Illan.

Carefully, without any words, she pulled me into a hug. Despite her small size, the hug was the type of "bear hug" that my parents so often gave me and my siblings. I squeezed back, and we remained like that for at least a few minutes.

While I was the first to let go, I was glad that she stayed close to me as we headed towards my bedroom. Once inside, I headed towards my closet.

"I-I better shower and get changed for Mass," I told her, finally selecting a dress with a full skirt, covered with large flowers. It was a favorite, and Kariss smiled fondly as she saw it.

Kariss nodded. "Am I dressed appropriately?" she asked me.

I studied her outfit. Jeans and a buttoned down blue shirt. While most people had long since stopped dressing up for Mass, my family was one of the few exceptions. It wasn't so much to show off, but to show respect to God. Mom had always said that we shouldn't arrive in His house in anything less than our good clothes, at least for the Sunday Mass.

The truth was that Kariss would be fine in jeans if she wasn't going with us. But with my family, she'd stick out like a sore thumb.

"You could borrow something of mine," I offered, diplomatically. "They might be an inch or so longer on you, and a little loose, but my clothes would probably fit you."

She smiled at me. "I'll take a look while you get changed."

We hugged, again, and I headed down to the bathroom. The door was open, so none of my sisters or brother was inside.

Fifteen minutes later, I walked back to my room, noticing that the door was closed. I knocked, and heard Kariss say, "Come in!"

Once inside, I put my work clothes in the the small basket I used for dirty laundry before taking a look at my Yeerk. Kariss smiled, looking a little self conscious, as I examined her selection. She was wearing a pale blue blouse and one of my full skirts. On me, it reached just above the ankles. On her, it wasn't quite dragging the floor, but almost. The blouse looked a little loose, but she'd tucked it into the skirt, which I'd never had to do.

"Well, Julie? How do I look?" Kariss asked me, a hesitant smile on her face as she watched me study her.

"You look nice," I told her, which was true. "But, um, you'll need to lift up the skirt when you go down the stairs, though. Also, when we get out of the car."

She nodded, glancing down at the skirt. "I had tried rolling it up, on the waist," she told me, pointing, "but you'd be able to tell with the shirt."

I could see what she meant. The shirt would need to be tucked in, and rolling up the skirt would definitely show.

"It's my fault for loving long skirts," I told her, smiling self deprecatingly.

Kariss rolled her eyes at me. "Oh, please. Perhaps I could have gained another inch or so in height had I concentrated. Maybe."

I shrugged. "Could be worse. You could be three hundred pounds. Besides, Kariss, you do look nice."

I reached out to hug her, and she immediately returned it.

"I was thinking," Kariss told me, as we sat down next to each other on my bed, "of using another name in case your parents need to introduce me to anyone. Most of us use aliases, for when we're with humans."

I frowned to myself, making a mental note to ask her, later, if she had to use one regularly. Did Yeerk nothlits face any sort of persecution or violence? But, it sounded as though Kariss had just thought of the idea of using a pseudonym. Which meant that she probably didn't need one...?

"Isn't that sort of lying?" I wondered.

"Technically," Kariss admitted, "but didn't one of your Saints say that lying is withholding information that a person has the right to know? And, really, is it anyone's right to know whether I am human or Yeerk?"

She had a point. Possibly.

"We can ask your parents, and see how they feel about it," Kariss added, putting her right hand around my shoulder. "I wouldn't want to do anything to make them uncomfortable."

That seemed fair enough, so I agreed to it.

"By that way, what did they mean earlier? About my body not being a problem, should I decide to join your religion?" Kariss queried.

I let out a deep breath. "It's long. Sure you want to hear?"

"Yes," Kariss insisted. "I should know."

"This would be one of those times it would be better if you were still in my head," I noted, smiling. "Okay. Well, when the word got out about the existence of aliens who could live in your heads, and how they had taken over thousands of us, but they would be given permanent bodies so that they wouldn't have to, the Pope was interviewed about the role of Yeerks in Christianity." I paused, waiting for a reaction. Kariss nodded, looking interested. "Well, some Catholic theologians have thought about the existence of aliens before you guys came around, and for the most part, they said that if aliens exist, they're part of God's plan. And we need to take a wait and see approach if we ever meet them face to face, because it's possible that they didn't sin like we did. It was all speculative, until the past several months."

"Evidently," Kariss grinned. "So, what did your Pope have to say about us?"

"In the interview, he said that while Yeerks were welcome in the Church and the Andalite technology of morphing was one we could utilize, with appropriate caution, the act of trapping oneself in a morph on purpose was a grave offense against God," I explained, wincing a little. I agreed with it, but I hated to be the one to tell my Yeerk. "He said that God gave us the bodies He chose for us to have, and were a Yeerk to become an animal or human nothlit, they were acting in direct violation of that."

I saw Kariss' eyes widen, slightly, and she reached out for my hand. "So, I'm going to hell?"

I shook my head, and squeezed her hand, reassuringly. "Of course, there was all sorts of commotion on all sides about what he'd said, because not only was the Pope basically saying this about Yeerks who had already trapped themselves, he was saying this after the fact. I mean, it's not like you had never heard him-or any priest, really-say this before you became a nothlit."

"That's true," Kariss told me, nodding. "You know that I cannot say whether I believe in your God, Julie, but knowing this certainly would have given me cause to-to hesitate before agreeing to trap myself in any form. While we were not presented with idea of becoming nothlits as though it were an option to refuse, I had known several Yeerks who had been planning to do just that. Even if it meant going without a host for the duration of their life. They felt, in an instinctive rather than religious manner, that it was a violation to their body and their way of life."

I nodded, thinking of the bravery that choice must have taken. Not that I considered Kariss any less brave for opting to accept a human body. "A few weeks after the first interview," I continued, "another interview with the Pope came out. A sort of correction. He explained that while what he had said before was true-that intentionally trapping oneself was wrong-that he had learned that few Yeerks, if any, had been made aware of this information," I explained, raising my eyes. Of course, the Pope probably hadn't known the logistics, any more than any of us had. "So, he said that any Yeerk who was unaware had not acted against God, and would be welcome in the Church." I paused, before adding, "He did say that human and Andalite scientists should make it a priority to develop a sort of 'nothlit cure' for those who had been trapped, whether intentionally or not."

Kariss sighed. "After I became a nothlit, I discovered that a fair number of Yeerks who were allowed to keep their form. All of the Peace Movement survivors, of course. But also many Yeerks who had committed heinous war crimes."

"W-what happened to them?" I asked, hoping to hear that Illan was one of them.

Kariss studied me. "I don't know all of the information. I imagine few do, except those overseeing their sentence." At my raised eyebrows, Kariss continued, "You see, Julie, those Yeerks, from what I learned, are being isolated in a separate pool, and given very limited Kandrona rations. They won't be starved, exactly, but they will always be hungry except for the shortest possible window of time, during which the Kandrona rays will be shone on the pool. Not exactly torture, or not by Yeerk standards, but it's certainly not a bleak existence. Better than outright starvation or death, though. Needless to say, they will never be eligible for any host. I don't know if they are kept in isolation from each other, but I would like to think they are. It would prevent them from reproducing, which they might see as a form of suicide as well as prolonging their species."

"How do they find them?" I asked, heart racing a little.

"The war criminals?" Kariss asked. At my nod, she smiled, a little darkly. "Mostly by tracking them down. The Yeerk empire kept very detailed records, and despite what they claimed to believe about the minds of hosts being insignificant, they would record when a host's mind was broken through torture, and by who. They also marked down which Yeerks had boasted about torturing their hosts." Kariss put an arm around my shoulder. "I am certain that, if Illan survived the war, she is in that pool."

"I can't say I'm not glad about it," I told her.

I tried to forgive her, every day, and mostly, I succeeded at it. Still, her receiving some sort of justice felt-well, right.

Kariss wrapped her other arm around me. "Then, there are the Yeerks who can't receive the power. They're called allergic, but that's not entirely accurate, because they don't exactly suffer. They simply...you see, when I received the morphing technology, I felt a spark through my body. My body, I was told later, twitched. Those who can't receive it, well, they experience no reaction. No sensation, nothing. So, they can't change their form, and they have to remain in the Yeerk Pool."

"Not the same one as the criminals?" I asked, worriedly. "It's not like they've done anything wrong..."

"No, not the same pool, Tamli," Kariss reassured me, squeezing my shoulder. "And it's a very rare condition, their allergy. Probably, less than one in a hundred of Yeerks have it. Not to mention, when I received my body, fewer than a third of Yeerks had been given the power. It's a very slow process. But there are at least a hundred, the last I heard."

"What will happen to them?"

"They're eligible to receive a human host, as long as there's nothing in their file that's noteworthy. Lots of humans still want Yeerks, and with the Peace Movement, at least half of the Yeerks had human hosts, who chose to stay with them."

I nodded, sighing. "You know I would have stayed a host to you, had I been able to."

Kariss ran a hand through my hair. "Yes, but I was never a member of the Peace Movement. I should have tried harder to join. I'm sorry, Julie."

I shook my head, causing her fingers to fall to my shoulder. "No, I remember you telling me how secretive they were. If you had prodded, asked more people, you might have been able to join, but you also could have gotten yourself killed. And I-" I felt my voice catch. "Even if they hadn't given me another Illan, I'd have missed you so much, Kariss."

"Thank you, tamli," she murmured, softly, smiling at me. "I missed you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks again, to YMP-33-KI, for beta reading.


	5. Chapter 5

We would have been happy to stay like that for awhile, near each other, not talking, just grateful to be there. Except for the fact that my stomach decided to emit a very loud growl.

I rolled my eyes, more out of annoyance than embarrassment. After all, Kariss had heard those noises enough times before.

"Oh, be quiet, you," I said, giving my stomach a light tap.

Kariss snickered, eyebrows crinkling. "Aside from the cake, when did you last eat, Julie?"

Admittedly, I needed a few seconds to figure out the answer. I'd gotten up at five, and eaten a fairly large breakfast of oatmeal, an apple, milk, and a bagel. I usually had a paid half hour lunch break around 11, but because we had been short staffed that morning, I'd forgotten to take it. Which meant that my last substantial meal had been well over ten hours ago.

"This morning, around 5:30," I admitted. "It was a pretty big breakfast, but we were short staffed, so I forgot to take lunch."

"Tamli," Kariss chided gently, taking my hand.

Hosts couldn't read their Yeerk's thoughts, of course, but I had lived with Kariss in my head long enough to have a pretty good idea of what she thought, at least of me, most of the time. It helped, of course, that she'd never tried to close herself off from me. So now, even though she'd been outside of my head for six months, I could detect her amusement mixed with concern.

"That probably wouldn't have happened had you been in my head," I remarked, a little sheepishly.

"Definitely not," she told me, getting up from my bed, and gently pulling me along with her. "Come on. Let's get you something to eat."

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I replied, with a good natured groan. "Honestly, Kariss. I'm hungry, but I'm hardly starving."

My Yeerk rolled her eyes at me, glancing at my midsection. "Your internal body organs would claim otherwise."

"Apparently, they're as dramatic as you are," I remarked, dryly, as we left my bedroom.

My older sister-well, my oldest sister, as I was second oldest of my siblings-was already standing in the kitchen when we arrived. Danielle was twenty-one, and living at home for the summer while taking a class for college. Unlike me, Danielle had always enjoyed school and excelled at it. So much that she would be on track to finish a semester early. Mom and Dad were equally proud of her for this and relieved that they would save the cost of tuition for a semester.

All of my siblings and I looked a lot alike. Our brown hair was either straight or wavy and ranged in shades of darkness from light brown (mine) and nearly black (Mark-our only brother). Our skin tone was fair. None of us burned at the sight of the sun, but we didn't really tan, either. All of us had light brown eyes. Except for Mark, at six feet, we were all between five feet and five foot three inches. When we stood together, like at Mass, most people could tell that we were all siblings.

My thoughts came to a halt at the sound of Danielle's voice. Based on the look of mild exasperation on her face, she'd said a few other things I hadn't heard.

"Oh, hi," I said, giving her a smile.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Hello, Julie." Glancing at Kariss, she added, "Who's this?"

I stood a little closer to my Yeerk. "That's Kariss. She's my Yeerk. From...before."

"Oh!" Danielle nodded, almost to herself, before giving Kariss a genuine smile. "Welcome! Are you...will you be joining us this evening, for Mass?"

"Yes, your parents invited me earlier, and I've accepted their kind invitation," Kariss replied, returning Danielle's smile.

"Then, you're probably here to eat before?" Danielle guessed, and I realized that she'd been in the process of cooking something before we came in.

It was Kariss' turn to nod. "We can wait until you're finished, if you'd rather," she offered, nodding at Danielle's food preparations.

My sister shook her head, definitively. "Oh no, I was just starting a grilled cheese sandwich. In fact...I can make you guys some, if you want."

That sounded delicious, and as these were Danielle's specialty, I nodded my head. "Definitely. Kariss? Do you want that?"

"Sounds great," she agreed, probably remembering the taste from having eating them on various occasions while still inside my head.

Danielle smiled at us, and began to assemble enough bread and cheese for two extra people. With nothing else for us to do, Kariss and I took a seat at the kitchen table, and I hoped my stomach would refrain from making any more noises.

"So, Kariss. How's it been, so far, living as a human?" Danielle asked, her back to us as she sliced up some cheese.

"An adjustment from my original body," Kariss replied diplomatically, glancing at me with affection, "but having lived in the same-mental space-as your sister, it's not nearly as much of a culture shock as some of my siblings."

"There are a lot of you, then? Who have become human but never had us as-?" She trailed off, and as her back was towards us, I could only guess at my sister's expression.

"Hosts," Kariss finished, and I saw her flinch at the term. Even if, up until the end of the war, "host" was about as neutral and diplomatic as you could get, as a Yeerk referring to the body you or your fellow Yeerks were in the process of inhabiting. "Yes. Some of my brother Yeerks only had Hork-Bajir, but many only lived with Gedds. And, of course, at least half of the entire Yeerk population who are due to receive bodies never had a host at all."

"Really?" I asked, glancing at Kariss in surprise.

Kariss nodded her head in confirmation. "According to the official numbers, there were seventeen million Yeerks in existence on or near Earth by the end of the war. Excluding those who had never left the home world, and including those who had been on other planets, but planned to travel to Earth to receive new bodies. Of those, fifty thousand had infested Taxxons, three hundred Gedds, thirty Hork-Bajir, and twenty-five, humans. Since the standard method of receiving an assigned host is Gedd, Taxxon or Hork-Bajir, Hork-Bajir, and then human, it's likely that the larger number of three hundred thousand included all Yeerks who ever had an assigned host."

Hardly a race of enslavers, then. Fewer than 1% of Yeerks had ever been assigned a host.

"But you're all in the process of receiving bodies of some kind," Danielle noted, as she removed a tray of sandwiches from the oven. "So, that's got to be an improvement for most of you."

"I can only speak for myself and a few other Yeerks that I know," Kariss admitted.

I noted that she didn't say anything beyond that, which may have led Danielle to think she agreed with her, but I knew better. Kariss would rather be a Yeerk in my head than a human not in my head. Unfortunately, with the way the war ended, this wasn't a choice offered to either of us. Perhaps, she and many others were considered fortunate because they had been given a body, and that body did not have a mind attached to it. Still. Kariss had never enslaved me, not the way Illan had. Not the way so many other Yeerks did to their hosts.

It would have been better to talk to the hosts-at least the humans-before essentially forcing an entire race into near extinction.

Did Danielle know how much I missed what Kariss and I had? How could she? She'd never been a host. While this meant that she had never been a slave, it also meant that she'd never experienced the positive aspects of having a loving and caring Yeerk in your head. As awful as it had been with Illan, now, I thought it had been worth it, to have spent three and a half years with Kariss as my Yeerk. I wished that the Animorphs had simply taken down the Yeerk empire without so many Yeerks alongside it.

Not to mention the thousands of Yeerks that they had simply flushed into space during the final battle. As glad as I was that Kariss hadn't been one of them, I knew that she had lost family and friends. Like so many other Yeerks.

Kariss nudged me, and I realized that the tray of grilled cheese sandwiches had turned into a large plate. My Yeerk had already helped herself to one, as had my sister. I managed a smile as I selected one and began to chew on a piece of it. Even allowing for not having really eaten since this morning, it tasted incredible.

"Mmm," I managed, through a mouth of melted cheese. "Thank you, Danielle."

Danielle grinned at me. "You're welcome, Julie."

We ate the rest of the meal/snack in silence. This was normal enough for my family. On weekdays during the school year, we ate breakfast and dinner together, but breakfast was always somewhat hectic. Dad would almost never be there, because he started his work day at the bakery around 5 in the morning. The rest of us ate between 6:30 and 7:00. Mom always made sure we were well fed, usually with large bowls of oatmeal and fruit. Plus, she packed our lunches for us long past the point of our peers' parents. So, while we all made it out the door with food in our stomachs and lunches ready, there was not much time for the whole family to sit down in the mornings and eat together.

Dinners, on the other hand, were another story. Unless it was an emergency, we ate together and talked as a family. Mom and Dad would want to know how our days had been, and they would tell us about their days. Dad always had a story to share, usually funny, about something that happened at the bakery. We always ate dessert afterwards. There was no chaos, no phone calls to interrupt our meal. If there was an emergency, it would need to wait until after 7. As Mom once said, "If Grandma or Grandpa is dying at 6:30, they'll either be dead or dying at 7:00, no matter what we do in the meantime." Up until now, all of my grandparents who had been alive during my childhood-Dad's father had died from a heart attack right before I'd been born-were still alive, healthy, and joined us for Saturday night dinners.

After eating and helping Danielle clean up, there was still another half an hour before we would need to leave for Mass.

"You're taking classes at the community college?" Kariss asked me, as I reluctantly pulled out my Accounting textbook from my bookshelf. I still had a chapter to read before class met on Tuesday.

"Just one this semester. Dad and I thought it would be better if I eased into it. Especially with working twenty-five hours at the bakery each week," I explained, drearily. "And with how long it takes me to understand everything, it will be four years before I finish with the two year degree. If I finish at all."

Kariss smiled gently at me. Knowingly. It was true, I knew, that I tended to complain a lot about school and my seemingly lack of inability to understand things as quickly as-so it seemed-my peers. Looking back, I wasn't sure how much of that was due to Illan's influence on me, and how much had been me. I certainly disliked school, and found it difficult to believe that anyone could enjoy it. Oh, sure, there were the popular girls and guys who treated it as a huge party, and maybe it had been, for them. Even the teachers liked them, and passed them even if their work was failing. It would be traitorous to fail a star athlete, after all, and deny him his right to attend the college of his choice on a sports scholarship. Nor, I had to admit, had I ever been someone who had been bullied by the popular girls or boys while in school. It wasn't them that had made school unpleasant. It was having to be there for most of the year. Needing to sit in a class and study topics that would have no relevance to me after the class ended. Why would I care about proofs concerning right triangles being parallel to each other? Or have any use whatsoever for the noble gases-whatever they were? Or the names of Henry the whatever's wives and why he killed them all? Moreover, I hated that I not only had to spend hours in class each day studying these topics, but then complete homework on them afterward. Then, be tested on my understanding of them, and on more than one occasion. School was an unnecessary evil, and breaks were only a respite, and, besides over way too soon.

"At least, this has some relevance to your career of choice?" she asked me. "If, that is, it is what you want to be doing?"

"It is," I answered, certain. "Maybe not so much the working with the customers, but Dad mostly has me in the back. Making designs for the cakes and cupcakes. He thinks I'm getting really good." I couldn't help but smile at the last part. Dad had always been one to give me encouragement, but he wouldn't say I was good at something if I wasn't. "And I like that. It's fun."

Kariss took my hands in hers. We both knew what the other was thinking. It had taken me over three weeks for full control to come back to my hands. Oddly enough, walking again had been the easy part. Then again, it wasn't like I used my feet for much more than walking...

It could have been so much worse. I'd heard the stories. I'd been lucky, really. Not only that the damage had just been limited to my hands and feet, but that Kariss was willing-and able-to help me retain control of them. I knew that there were still people out there, former involuntary Controllers, who could hardly do more than blink and breathe on their own. They had to receive food and water via IV. If they wanted to communicate, it was done by a computer, like the one Stephen Hawking uses. There was talk of giving them Yeerks again, just ones who had been in the Peace Movement, to see if they could relearn how to use their body, the way I had. Assuming, of course, that they were open to this. As far as I knew, there were a couple who agreed to be "test subjects".

"Kids!" I heard my mom call. "Time to go!"

I put down my unopened textbook and turned to Kariss.

"Ready?" I asked her, still holding one of her hands.

She nodded, looking determined. "Ready, Julie."


	6. Chapter 6

Unlike most people my age, I genuinely enjoyed attending Mass on Saturday nights. I had believed in everything that my faith taught about it from a young age, and I knew that my family did, as well. It wasn't just about the community gathering together, but about the act of worshipping God and receive Jesus in the Sacrament of Communion. I knew that even though I could pray to God on my own, and certainly did, regularly, the Mass was the highest form of praise, the greatest act of worship. I truly believed that I was blessed to be able to participate in this.

I went during the week, as well. Not every day, since my school and work schedule conflicted more often then not. Still, at least twice a week outside of Saturday night, I went to daily Mass. My mom went every day, so I could always get a ride with her.

Granted, going when Illan had been in my head had been a dark point in my life. She'd always ridicule my faith, try to make me reject God. I admit, I doubted Him a lot during that time. But I never completely gave up hope. The first time Kariss infested me and told me that she wouldn't mistreat me, it was as though my prayers had been answered directly.

Now, Kariss and I followed Mom and the others to our family van. I still remembered them buying it, right after Mark had been born. The old car could seat five people, barely, but seven would have been impossible. So, Dad went to a used car dealership with Mom, and together, they picked out one that still had a lot of years left. Ten years later, it still worked well enough. After Leah had been born, two years after Mark, Mom and Dad were especially relieved that the van was able to sit eleven people comfortably.

Tonight, there would be eight of us. Mom, Dad, Danielle, myself, Kariss, Amy (the "middle child", as she often referred to herself), Mark, and Leah. In case you were keeping track of our ages, it was 41 for Mom and dad, and for the kids-21, 19, unknown for Kariss (but when she was a Yeerk, she was about twenty, and her human morph looked to be about that age), fifteen, ten, and eight.

My siblings, minus Danielle, looked at Kariss with some confusion. I suspected that this had less to do with the fact that they hadn't met before, but more because was wearing my clothes.

"Who are you?" Leah asked her, a little bluntly, as she made her way into the van.

"Leah!" Mom scolded, eyebrows raised in annoyance. "That's no way to speak to a guest, and a friend of your sister's."

Leah looked a little chastened. "Sorry."

"I'm Kariss," my Yeerk replied, with a gentle smile. "Hello, Leah. It's nice to meet you."

At hearing my Yeerk's name, Leah's face didn't exactly turn sour, but she edged away from Kariss in her seat, as though by instinct.

I felt hurt on Kariss' behalf.

"Yeah, same here," Leah answered, after a pause. "Hi."

Okay, that was a little better. I guessed, at age eight, my sister couldn't completely keep her feelings-her prejudices-to herself.

Anyway, to be honest, I couldn't entirely blame her wariness. An alien had been living inside of her older sister's head for over three years, after all. And another one-a worse one-before her. Even though the Yeerk war was over and most of the Yeerks were nothlits, Leah might well be imagining Kariss holding her head down over the Yeerk Pool and forcing one of her brother or sister Yeerks inside.

Or, maybe not. I hoped not, anyway.

Mark, ever the jokester, spoke up quickly, having taken a seat next to Leah.

"She's not going to infest you, Lee," he assured her, using his nickname for her. "I mean, seeing inside the head of one crazy person in this family is more than enough, right?" To emphasize his point, Mark moved his hands to around his face to indicate that he, too, was crazy.

Kariss laughed at this. "Not to mention the fact that, as a human nothlit, I'm physically incapable of using anyone here as a host."

Leah seemed a little placated by this, but her raised eyebrows told me she was still on the alert. I squeezed Kariss' hand from my seat in the front row, directly behind Dad. She squeezed back. It wasn't a hug-mental or otherwise-but it still felt reassuring.

"Speaking of which," Amy spoke up, "what are we going to tell people if they notice Kariss?"

"The truth," Mom answered, firmly.

At the silence that followed, Dad spoke up. "We'll introduce her as Kariss, and if people ask about anything else, she'll answer as she sees fit." She glanced behind her seat at us. "If that's all right with you?"

I noted that while the question was probably directed at Kariss, it could be addressed towards me, as well.

Kariss gave a slow nod. "I don't want to do anything to disrupt your worship, or standing in your parish community," she answered.

"That's hardly likely to occur," Dad remarked, chuckling a little, his eyes focused on the red light ahead. "Your name isn't exactly on par with Rachel or Allison or Amanda, but it's hardly unusual enough to draw significant attention. Besides, if anyone notices, they'll probably stay behave themselves in a church setting."

"Not to mention," Mom added, and I had the sense that they had discussed this very issue earlier that afternoon, "that it's entirely possible that other Yeerks have attended Mass here before."

I nodded, which only Mom could see. "That's true. At least a couple of people from my Confirmation class became voluntary Controllers. We weren't exactly friends, but I saw them at the Yeerk Pool."

Kariss squeezed my hand, knowing what I wasn't saying. "Then, it's probably fine to use my real name."

"Anyway," Dad continued, as we approached another intersection, "the fact that we invited you to Mass with us, and you're still in touch with Julie after the war, should register in most people's minds that you weren't exactly on the same level as Visser Three." He laughed as he said the last part, and Kariss took the cue and laughed as well.

I grinned, too, even though Dad couldn't see it.

"Thank you," Kariss replied, addressing my parents.

"You're most welcome," Mom answered, giving Kariss another gentle smile.

I thought that she might want to say more, maybe that she appreciated what Kariss had been able to do for me, but as all of my siblings were in the van, it wasn't like it was a private conversation.

The rest of the ride to church was pretty quiet. Even though we had attended the same parish since before I'd been born, Dad always gave the roads the same focus that he would have had it been his first time driving the route. He was a cautious driver, yet defensive, always on the lookout for an accident. Since he'd never been in one since receiving his license, we couldn't really fault him for how he drove.

We arrived ten minutes early, which some people felt automatically qualified you for sainthood, but was just the norm in my home. Five kids didn't exactly make us a huge family-Mom and Dad each came from seven-but it was far from the standard two. I'd discovered that, in large/larger families, there was either two ways traveling by group went. First, everything was planned down to the second, with near military precision. The second was complete chaos, wherein a half an hour late was equivalent to on time, or even early. My family was closer to the first than the second. We might arrive a few minutes late, on occasion, but for places like Mass, school, and appointments, we were always early. From as long as I'd been alive, that was how I remembered it.

The church was still more than half empty, so after kneeling and genuflecting, we took our usual places in a pew about a third from the front of the church alter. Even before Mass, it was considered disrespectful to engage in unnecessary conversation, so I sat quietly at the end of the row, and retrieved the Missal from the holder in front of me to read the readings from the Bible beforehand. It felt very familiar to me, but I knew that the priest (or, perhaps, our Deacon) would present the texts in a light we hadn't considered before, and one that was relevant to our lives.

Kariss, I noted, had her Missal out, and was studying the readings on her own. I knew that she had heard them before, from her time in my head. The Church usually rotated the Sunday readings every three years, and having lived in my head for three and a half years, she would have experienced a full year of the A, B, and C cycle, plus about half of the A cycle. Or, maybe it was B or C. I never could remember what year we were on, since it wasn't something that was announced at most Sunday masses.

I focused my thoughts on the readings, and started slightly when the entrance music began. Abruptly, I rose from my seat, and felt Kariss' arm on my shoulder briefly, before it turned back to her book.

"Number 743," she whispered, as I realized I hadn't heard which entrance hymn we were supposed to be singing.

"Thanks," I whispered back, and quickly located the appropriate hymn.

Had Kariss been in my head, I might have made a comment to her, something self deprecating, like, (You wouldn't have thought I grew up in the Church!) Of course, this was no longer an option, so I kept this thought to myself.

Mass, as always, went by quickly, even too quickly. I felt a little sad when we had finished singing the second verse of the recessional hymn, even though I knew that I would probably be back in a few days. I hoped so, anyway. Like I said, I normally went with Mom during the week, even though I had my own car. As we left the sanctuary, thoughts came to mind of learning about how some of my classmates in school worshiped at their churches. My friends who came from Protestant churches had told me that their services often extended past an hour, with nearly half of that time dedicated to the sermon. Ours usually lasted fewer than ten minutes, with the center of our worship not being on the homily-the Catholic term-but Communion. Still, an hour or an hour and fifteen minutes was far shorter than many Jewish services, according to my former classmate, Hannah. Even in the reformed sect, the most liberal of the three major ones in the Jewish faith, Saturday services exceeded ninety minutes. More than two hours on their holy days. Of course, Hannah was quick to point out, most reformed Jews only attended synagogue on those days, so it wasn't as though most of them spent most of their Saturday mornings in synagogue.

My church's narthex, or entrance hall, was large enough to accommodate pre and post Mass chatter. Mom and Dad always lingered to catch up with friends, as did most of us kids. Except, tonight, it seemed like they wanted to leave sooner rather than later. I was pretty sure I knew why. We weren't hiding Kariss' identity from anyone, but we also didn't want to broadcast it. Besides, none of us-including Kariss, I suspected-knew if my Yeerk would return to Mass with me. It would be pretty awkward if half of our friends knew about her, only for her to disappear from their lives.

Of course, we couldn't all avoid chit chat without looking strange, so it was kind of a fine line. My friend Margaret started to greet me, and I thought she'd want to stop to talk, but Jenny, her younger sister, began pulling her arm so that her attention turned towards some announcement on the teen church bulletin board.

Maybe the appearance of another young face in my family didn't attract much attention, or perhaps Mom and Dad's friends, and my siblings' friends, just figured it was another friend of one of us. Which, I realized, wasn't entirely unusual. We had all brought friends to Mass with us before, especially if they were also Catholic. Besides, it wasn't like we were talking to our grandparents or extended family, who was pretty familiar with all of our friends.

Still, it was a relief when we were back in the van. Glancing at my watch, I figured we'd probably spent all of five minutes socializing with the other parishioners. That had to be some kind of record for my family.

Kariss squeezed my hand, giving me another knowing smile.

Mom and Dad didn't say anything, probably thinking it would be rude to draw attention to Kariss' ability to blend in, or relief that there hadn't been any problems. Be grateful for small miracles and all of that, I imagined.

And, believe me, I was. Few people knew that I'd been a Controller during the war, except those who had also been infested. For the time being, at least among people who weren't my family, I wanted to keep that part of my life private.


	7. Chapter 7

Even though we had all eaten small meals/snacks beforehand, that didn't mean we weren't hungry for dinner when we returned from mass. We were especially eager for Saturday dinner since the dinners Mom made were a big deal, always containing our favorites. Naturally, there were always leftovers, which served as lunches for Sunday after a big breakfast. Usually, there was enough for dinner the following night, as well, which meant that even though we all ate together as a family, it gave Mom a break from cooking.

Even so, there was usually a half hour to wait between the time that we arrived home and the food was ready to eat. After all, Mom finished preparing the food and setting up everything around the table, stubborning refusing our help. So, as always, we headed to our rooms to swap out of our Sunday/Saturday night clothes for nightgowns/sweats/pajamas. Kariss, of course, was well aware of our family ritual, and followed me to my room to borrow one of my nightgowns.

"I don't think it will be as long on you as my skirt was," I told her, handing her my shortest nightgown, floral patterned and reaching a little more than halfway between my knees and my ankles. "Speaking of which, did you want to borrow something of mine for tomorrow, or wear what you arrived in?"

Kariss shrugged, taking the nightgown from me. "Probably just wear what I had on. Thanks, honey. Should I go to the bathroom to change?"

It was my turn to shrug. "We can just turn away, if that's easier."

"Sure," she agreed.

It was funny, I realized. When Kariss had lived in my head, of course she'd seen me without clothes. No matter how careful we tried to be, it was inevitable. Perhaps, had she been my first Yeerk, it would have bothered me more. As it was, I'd been so beaten by Illan that a decent Yeerk seeing me naked, through my own eyes, hardly seemed to matter.

Anyway, Kariss had always been very respectful of this necessary breech of modesty, and, of course, giving me full control as soon as possible.

Now, us being in two separate human bodies, we acknowledged that the rules of modesty were back.

Anyway, after a minute of turning away to change, we soon faced each other, both dressed in my nightgowns. Kariss, I noted, wouldn't have the same problem with tripping that she had faced with my skirt. The nightgown was longer on her than it had been on me, by a good few inches, but it still reached above her ankle.

I smiled at her, and she smiled back, a little self consciously.

Suddenly, a memory emerged of Illan mocking my body. It was one of the more mild flashbacks, but it came so abruptly that I felt drained of air. I forced myself to take a deep breath, then to smile at Kariss after I deposited our clothing to my laundry basket.

She knew me better than that. Not that anyone would have been fooled.

"Oh, honey. Another flashback?" She asked me, sympathetically, pulling me into a hug.

I sighed, wrapping my arms around her. "Yeah."

We remained like that for a minute, until we mutually separated. I knew that there would be more hugs in the future, after all, and my family was probably waiting downstairs. Or would be, soon.

"Tamli," Kariss asked, studying my face, "have they become worse since I left your head?"

I considered this for a moment before replying. "Not really, but they weren't exactly gone by the time you had to leave."

"That was your second today, though," Kariss pointed out.

I nodded, not wanting to address the idea that her being there might have made me think about Illan more. I was fairly certain, after all, that she had already thought of this.

"Have you considered..." Kariss trailed off.

"What?" I asked her, absentmindedly stroking the comforter on my bed. Funny, I hadn't realized I had sat down.

She took a seat next to me. "Applying to become a host again," she explained.

I blinked. "What? People can do that?"

I'd known, of course, that the Yeerks who belonged to the Peace Movement who had survived the war hadn't been forced to become nothlits. They'd been allowed to remain with their hosts. I had assumed, upon hearing this, that they all had hosts who wanted to remain with them. Had I misunderstood?

"There are a many Yeerks from the Peace Movement who survived the war and were not ordered to become nothlits," Kariss explained. "Nearly all of them have humans as hosts who wished to remain with them. But, there are Yeerks whose hosts preferred not to remain with them, so they're available, as it were." She paused, as as I nodded my comprehension, my Yeerk continued. "Additionally, there are an increasing number of Yeerks who cannot accept the morphing technology. The Andalites refer to this condition as an allergy. There aren't that many, but the number's likely to increase, as more Yeerks are given the morphing power."

"But these Yeerks weren't part of the Peace Movement," I pointed out, and I couldn't quite hide the fear in my voice.

Of course, Kariss had never been a member, but that hadn't stopped her from becoming my closest friend.

"Remember what I told your sister, Julie?" Kariss reminded me. "Most of the Yeerk population were never assigned a host body, and of those who did, a Gedd at best. Besides, the Yeerks who were cruel to their hosts were isolated from those who cannot receive the technology. There's no death penalty for host abuse, or not yet, but they are certainly held in conditions akin to near lifelong torture, and they will never receive hosts again. You wouldn't be at risk of receiving a Yeerk like Illan. More likely, you'd be given one who had never had a semi permanent host before, and besides, I'm certain they would be given..."

"Training for not taking control all the time and treating a human like they weren't below them?" I asked, a little bitterly.

"Yes," Kariss agreed, meeting my eyes. "They don't want another war to break out, or a ban on all hosts."

It made sense. With the empire gone, Yeerks who had never actively participated in conquest wouldn't be taught that their human host was a mind to conquer. Not that Kariss had been like this, and I knew that enough voluntary humans existed that, even during the war, there had been partnerships between the two races. All the same...

"I...don't know," I admitted. "It would be hard to adjust to a Yeerk who wasn't you, and what if they turned out to be as bad as Illan? Or, not as bad, but didn't want to give me control?"

Kariss had an answer for this, but the look on her face told me she knew I would have wondered.

"Well, there are no more cages or guards. If you, or any of the other humans with Yeerks, were unhappy with your Yeerk after a feeding period, you could simply leave. Of course, it being operated by humans, you would probably need to fill out mountains of paperwork. Before and after receiving a Yeerk," Kariss added, jokingly.

It felt, just a little, like I was back to being recruited to become a full member of The Sharing. Except, I knew that Kariss had my best interests at heart. She couldn't help my thoughts, being a nothlit outside my head, but she thought that she could find a way to give me the help I needed. Or did I? Was this something that would fade over time, especially if she was living with me, helping me through it? Even if she was outside of my head?

"I-I just don't know, Kariss," I repeated. What I didn't say was, "It wouldn't be you."

Kariss nodded, placing an arm around my shoulder. "Please understand, tamli, that I'm not pressuring you. I'm only telling you because, from what I've heard, there's already a greater demand for Yeerks than there are likely to be Yeerks available. Additionally, it's highly unlikely that we will receive a population increase due to mating anytime soon."

She was silent a minute, to let me take this in. While the exact life span of a Yeerk was unclear, eighty was a conservative estimate. After all, their bodies didn't really age in the way that most species did, and their food and water source was Kandrona rays every three days, which acted as a healing agent as well as a source of nourishment. Most Yeerks didn't reproduce, because doing so resulted in their death, and with three Yeerks producing a hundred or more young Yeerks, fewer than 3% of the population needed to do so in order to maintain their current numbers.

It was possible, of course, that some of the Yeerks with allergies were nearing the end of their lives, and would mate and produce grubs. Which could mean that, in a year or so, a couple hundred more Yeerks would be available to receive human partners. That was, I imagined, a not entirely unreasonable best case scenario.

Still. It meant less than a thousand Yeerks.

When I told her this, she simply nodded.

"Right. So, if you have any interest at all in receiving a Yeerk, you should apply soon. At the risk of sounding like a human commercial, there's no obligation to commit, and you're better off having the option to refuse than not having the option within your lifetime," she told me, smiling rather sardonically.

At the image of Kariss doing one of those commercials on TV, I couldn't help but laugh a little. Still...

"How do you know about all of this, Kariss?" I wondered.

"We Yeerks keep in touch, and my boss has contacts who know those who are administering the morphing abilities. He doesn't have access to the exact figures, and the process of hosting a Yeerk isn't exactly being advertised on your news platforms," Kariss explained, "but people are still figuring things out, and there's a network. I suppose it's a sort of bureaucracy. By the time your government and news makes it public, I wouldn't be surprised if the wait list for fewer than a thousand Yeerks exceeded a million. According to the unofficial reports, it's at about five thousand. Which, for maybe five hundred Yeerks, means the chances of someone being able to receive a Yeerk are somewhat remote."

"Then, why bother?" I asked, more bitter than I expected to be about this. "It's not like we know anyone from the inside, someone who could bump me up to number ten."

Kariss squeezed my hand. "There's a lottery system, as well as a wait list. Listen, Julie, I'm not telling you this to pressure you, or to make you think that I won't be there for you. I simply want to let you know that there could be another option to your-your pain."

"Yeah." I swallowed. "Okay. I'll definitely think about it."

"Thank you."

"I'd still rather it be you, though," I added.

She smiled at me. "Likewise. But Andalites haven't been able to come up with a cure for the nothlit condition, and at this point, I don't think there's much motivation for humans to try."

"Not for Yeerks," I agreed. "But maybe for other humans? I mean, if they use this for the military, it's likely that people will get trapped at some point, and anyway, it makes sense to have a sort of antidote available, just in case."

Kariss shrugged. "It's possible, Julie. But even if they had one today, I can't see them administering it to any Yeerk within the next decade."

"Probably not," I sighed.

Kariss held my hand in hers for a few more minutes, and then, wordlessly, we stood up, breaking physical contact, and headed downstairs to eat dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> The term "tamli" is a Galard term of affection adopted by Yeerks to their hosts, which will be explained more fully in a later chapter.


End file.
